I’m depressed and it’s taken me awhile to admit it to myself.
I’m hiding my feelings. I’ve been crying myself to sleep. I’m alone.
But no one knows because I’ve put on a front.
God, what am I doing to myself?
My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago and he was the only person I really talked to here. I haven’t told many people we broke up. I haven’t even changed it on facebook because I am such a baby.
I have been lying to him by saying I’m okay with everything. I hang out with him still and it’s awkward because I never wanted to break up. I never even knew anything was wrong.
And now I’m putting myself through shit because I’m too nice and I don’t want to lose him because he’s all I have here.
I’m so alone.
I miss my family. I miss my friends at home and in Washington.
I can’t get a job here.
My classes suck.
Everyone here is so different.
I know I accomplished a lot here but it feels like nothing when you have no one to talk to.
I hate that I let a boy make me cry.
I hate that even though we still talk it feels like I’ve lost my best friend.
I hate that I finally let myself have feelings for someone for the first time in a long time and they’ve only ever seen me as their best friend.
Its time for me to move on… but it’s so hard.
Sometimes I feel like I should just give up.
Then I realize I’m better than what they say.
Those people who talk down to me should just know I am about to prove them wrong.